Colette's Birth Story

Can I just start this post out by saying how fast time is going by! OH my goodness I seriously cannot believe it has already been three months since I gave birth to my first born, my sweet Colette Rynn. I'll be honest, the road to recovery has been rough...but these last few months have been the BEST. Her smile, her giggles, her baby talking, her sweet smell, her cuddles, her soft skin, ah everything about her makes me feel happy, proud, grateful, loved, sappy, tired....I could go on.

Ok, now I will get to the main point. On Monday June 29th Wesley and I went in for one of our prenatal appointment (at this point it was 3 days passed the due date) where the tech first did an ultrasound to make sure everything was ok (which they had been doing for the last 4 weeks of pregnancy since I was diagnosed with polyhydramnios meaning there was too much amniotic fluid). We sat in the ultrasound room for a quite a few minutes while the nurse tried to see any sign of Colette's lungs moving up and down. She eventually gave up and had us go in to speak with the dr. Long story short, Dr. Evans was concerned that we had not seen her practice breathes, which a lack of meant stress on the baby, so he had us to multiple ultrasounds and NST's. Ugh it was a long day of WORRY. Finally the dr told us to leave to get lunch and then come back. At this point we had been at the office for 4 hours. We ate at Togo's and then went back to the office for more ultrasounds and tests. The nurse was finally able to see the baby's practice breathing, thank goodness. Although this was relieving, I was still confused and immensely concerned about the baby. Because we all were concerned about the baby, we decided that it would be best to induce that next morning. Cue the NERVES! I was so nervous to be induced, it wasn't what I wanted...but deep down I knew it was what needed to be done ASAP to get Colette outta there!

With very little sleep, Tuesday morning came around. I knew that I would not be able to eat once they started to the drugs so I tried so hard to eat a good breakfast but I was so nervous, I barely ate anything. We got to the hospital at 6:30, on the dot! I wanted to start the drugs ASAP so I could meet my baby girl! I got dressed in the hospital gown, got registered, and the nurse put an iv in my hand. At around 8 am they started Cytotec to thin out my cervix to get me dilated to a 1 before they could give me Pitocin. What a LONG day that was. Lots of sleeping, movies, fantasying about food because I was starving, sneaking sips of coke, and unhooking those stinking monitors connected to my belly to use the bathroom 50 million times...ok that's an exaggeration but it was a lot.

That evening at around 7 pm I was dilated at a 1. YAY!!! They could finally start giving me Pitocin, and give me Pitocin is what they did! They gave me so much. Things started moving a bit quicker, so Dr. Evans came in a few hours later to break my water. While doing so, he discovered that the baby had meconium (bowl movement) which if inhaled, could do some serious damage. He explained that a respiratory team would be there at delivery to take baby away, that I wouldn't get to hold her until she was in the clear, that dad wouldn't be allowed to cut the umbilical cord, and that she may be rushed off to NICU. To say I was scared and worried and concerned would be an understatement. I couldn't even think about it. It made me sick to my stomach. I just had to get through and keep praying for her health.

Before that, I had been having contractions but they were bearable. I breathed through each contraction and it was fine. oh my goodness though, when he broke my water the contractions were crazy! So painful...it's been three months and they say you forget the pain...which is true. So I'm sure if I had written this the day after I would've gone in to much further detail on that pain. Anyway, I'll spare you the details on this, but there was so much fluid. I still remember the gushing sound when my water was broke...tmi, I know...but then again you are reading a burth story so you should expect some of that. Ew, ew, and ew. I felt so gross after that. I continued to leak lots and lots of fluid until I delivered. I just remember feeling so gross and wanting to take a shower so bad. The only thing I could think to do was to sit on the toilet to let it all come out.. LOL ew I know. the contractions came on even faster and even stronger when I stood up to go to the bathroom. It took me a while to get there and a while to get back to the bed. I tried to stay calm and breathe through the contractions...they were about a minute (sometimes less) apart. After talking to Wes, I broke out in tears and decided to get an epidural. BEST DECISION EVER. There's no way I could've made it through the next 14.5 hours without it.

Sleeping that night was a joke. I was so anxious to meet my baby! I was glued to that bed though so I was able to get some rest. OH and I was starving. Actually, saying I was starving was an understatement...i'm dramatic, I know. But you're allowed to be when you're in labor..right??? :) Around 2am Dr. Evans came in to check me and said he would be surprised if we didn't have a baby by 8 am! Try sleeping after that. The nurse brought me the breakfast menu and said that I could pick any and everything that I wanted to eat after the baby was born. That was music to my ears. Fantasizing about french toast, pancakes, bacon, omelets, orange juice got me through...no joke. Dang...now I'm hungry. Well breakfast didn't happen. Early that morning I was checked and was at a 10. By the time I felt the urge to push it was already 9 am. I forgot that I had to push the baby out! I know that didn't make sense, but in my drugged up mind I thought a would get to a 10 and the baby would just come out haha. Yeah, no.

I was so anxious to meet her!! Ah! tears rolled down my cheeks as I thought about holding her. I began to push. I pushed so hard, I never wanted anything more than I wanted to meet this sweet baby who tickled me with her kicks and made me giggle with her daily hiccups. I pushed and pushed and pushed. Took a few breaks and pushed. There were times I wanted to give up, but I knew I had to be strong if I wanted to have my baby in my arms. I had a mirror to watch....sounds weird but it really helped! I could see the progress I was making. I finally saw HAIR! I was so excited to see that hair on top of her head. That made me cry....and push harder. After almost 3 hours of this constant pushing, the doctor came in to discuss my options at that point. He said I could have a c-section, keep pushing for who knows how much longer, have a vacuum delivery which would be very tramatic on the baby but not on me, or have a forcep delivery which wouldn't be as traumatic for the baby but much more traumatic on me. Time seemed so fast...everyone was staring at me and I had to make a decision quickly and on the spot. I quickly decided to do the forcep delivery. After the doctor left to get prepared I started to question myself...had I made the right decision? I just wanted my baby to be ok and safe and healthy. My family reassured me on my decision and it was time to go.

The doctor was ready, the nurses, and respiratory team were all ready. It was time! I only had to push a few more times so I knew I could do it. I told myself over and over that I could do it. I still remember seeing the tops of the forceps...they were so long and shiny. IT freaked me out so I quickly shut my eyes and continued to push. Right then, the doctor yelled for me to stop pushing. He discovered that Colette was posterior (face up). That explained why she kept getting stuck at her forehead. He quickly twisted her the right way and had me push once more. Dr. Allred pulled her out...it all happened so fast! She was out! She was finally out! He laid her on my lap while he cut the cord. I got to hold her for those 30 seconds!! I had been told that I wouldn't be able to, so I was beside myself! I cried and cried! She was here! Did I mention my sweet baby was here!

They took her away and got the meconium all cleaned out. Everything was ok! I remember saying there on the bed crying so hard hoping my baby was ok. I said so many prayers. It was probably around 5 to 10 minutes until I got to hold her again but it felt like hours. Alarms were going off from both the baby and me...I lost a lot of blood and she wasn't breathing (When finding out that C had meconium and would need to be rushed off, I told Wes that I wanted him to go wherever she went and to not worry about me). I still remember the look his face. He was torn on who to go to, but I reassured him on our earlier discussion. The doctor and nurses did their jobs and everything was ok. Everything was more than ok, everything was amazing when it was my turn to hold my baby again.

I held her so tight. I touched her sweet cheeks, her hair, I kissed her, I cried, he tiny hand wrapped around my finger. I felt so happy. In an instant, I couldn't remember what my life was like without this much love in it. All these feelings came over me so quickly. I was holding my baby! Her big dark eyes were looking at me. This baby made me a mommy, and for that I am forever grateful. Colette Rynn was in my arms. She latched on to feed and it gave me such comfort! I love her so much! Everything was so worth it! I kept thinking that over and over. I never wanted to let her go. And I never will. 7 lbs 9 oz and 21 in. of pure joy.

Bump Growth

<6 Weeks Happy Halloween!                                                                          
















                                                                                                                             

<8 Weeks
















<9 Weeks

                                                                                                                     

<10 Weeks

                 

                                                                                                                                               
<14 Weeks 2nd TRIMESTER!
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<27 Weeks

<28 Weeks 3rd TRIMESTER

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<30 Weeks

 <30.5 Weeks

^31 Weeks

Anddddd...currently 32 Weeks (33 in 1.5 days)

Baby Room

So, I have to admit that I've had the baby room done since about 20 weeks. Since we found out pretty early that we're having a girl at 16 weeks...I was just too excited to hold off on getting her room started..and quickly finished. I really enjoyed doing this!! It's not completely finished...I still have a little to do list in the last couple weeks of things that I want to do. Here are some pictures of everything so far.

My Goodness...

My goodness how things are changing! So much has happened since my last post. Wesley and I are expecting a baby girl!! We found out on October 19, 2014...one day before our 2nd anniversary! It was such an amazing day. My plan was to surprise Wes in some cute way when the day would come that I would find out I was pregnant, but I was too happy I HAD to tell him right away..I was balling! Wes was a little skeptical at first (shock, I know) because of what happened last time but he got more and more excited as the days went on and the pregnancy was still ok!
We had our first ultrasound at 8 weeks, showing everything was going well so far...huge relief to me!!! Got to hear the heartbeat at 12 weeks, then at 16 weeks we found out that the baby is a GIRL! I of course, was ecstatic...Wes wanted a boy but he has definitely warmed up to the idea of having a baby girl.. It's so adorable how excited he is for this baby!! At 20 weeks we had another ultrasound confirming that intact, she is a girl.
This pregnancy has been such a blessing, everything has gone so well and smooth. I had morning sickness (which I don't get the name because it's an all day thing!) up until 20 weeks. My energy has been pretty steady since. Now in the 3rd trimester I'm pretty consistently tired...BUT SO EXCITING at how close her due date is! I've had some self confidence issues because of weight gain and all the emotions that go along with being pregnant, but I've decided to be confident and FEARLESS! I'm so extremely blessed to be a woman and to be able to carry a beautiful baby. It has created such a beautiful bond for baby girl and me. I love her so much already and I'm seriously anxious to meet her!! I love feeling her kicks and big movements...makes it that much real. They're starting to become a little painful..and I know this sounds weird, but I like that. It just means that she's getting bigger and her arrival is getting even sooner! I love this little growing family of mine and I'm so happy!!

Lynsie's Baby Shower

A couple weeks ago I planned a little celebration for my sister and her 2nd baby! I had so much fun planning, decorating, and baking. With the help of family, and of course Wes, we were able to throw some cute things together. I'm so excited for my sister and her new baby boy...he's gonna be ADORABLE! He's due just next week. I hope Lynsie felt special and loved on this day! I definitely had fun trying to make this shower as lovely for her as possible.

Here are some pics...

{recipes for the chocolate cake and carrot cupcakes}

For the lemonade I took the super easy route and bought some Country Time lemonade mix (added a little extra sugar for added sweetness with the slightly tart fruit). Mix it with cold water in a big pitcher. We had three flavors: regular, blackberry, and strawberry...I used frozen bags to save $. For the fruit flavors, pour the lemonade halfway in the jar and add desired fruit (that way theres room for ice without it melting while the fruit soaks in the lemonade). Right before guests arrive add ice and straws!

^carrot cake cupcakes

the two cupcake stands I used were both made by me {more pics and super easy tutorial to come}

Starting Over

Oh goodness! Where to begin...
Well this year has been a long tough one to say the least. But in the midst of the dark clouds and hard days, I have started to discover me. Yesterday was one of those rough days, the dreaded day of sadness came and gone, the due date. More and more as the days went on over the last 8 months I was "supposed" to be over losing my baby and all that it changed within me, but that was simply easier said than done. As more time passed I realized everyone else continued on with life, of course forgetting of my loss and not knowing of my daily struggles to survive, I had, and at times still do have, no idea how to live a day where thoughts of having a family of my own don't overwhelm my tired mind. I still hurt, I still get jealous of other women who have what I so desperately want, I still put on a fake smile. Out of all these negative feelings that I try so hard to wash out of my mind every single day, one simple positive feeling outweighs all the bad. HOPE...hope in my Heavenly Father that He really does answer my pleading prayers. That feeling of hope leads to many more happy feelings. Trust, faith, love, gratitude. Throughout my whole life I have been so blessed! Everyday is a blessing. Each day I have the chance to learn new things, grow closer to Heavenly Father and the Savior, serve others, love my husband, play with my puppies, have an awesome job, and bake delicious treats. Life sends things our way that we need to overcome, becoming even stronger at the end of it. I have an amazing husband who has been there for me through thick and thin! He makes me stronger, he helps me believe in myself, and best of all he's a shoulder to lean on. I'm not even remotely sure what the future has in store for me, I have no idea what career path I want and I don't know where we're gonna end up, but I do know Wes will always have my heart. Family really is eternal, I am so happy that I know that to be true...and someday when Heavenly Father blesses me with His innocent little babies I will do all I can to teach them that.

What Matters Most

I recently came across this beautiful excerpt from a talk given by the Prophet of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.
Sometimes a little reminder like this one is all that I need. To not forget to do the small and simple things to those we love the most. Life gets so chaotic and stressful!  It's easy for me to just assume that those I love know it.

             

 "Never let a problem to be solved become more important than a person to be loved".

What Matters Most

100 Things That Make Me Happy

((Mainly doing this for my own self uplifting))



1. My husband
2. Laughing
3. Having the true Gospel in my life
4. My sisters
5. My brother
6. My parents
7. Thinking of fun memories from my childhood
8. My puppy Jex
9. Babies
10. Sunny days
11. My comfy bed
12. Listening to music
13. Singing
14. Traveling
15. Hanging out with friends
16. Watching funny movies
17. Sleeping in
18. How I feel about myself after working out
19. Disneyland
20. Shopping for new clothes
21. The beach
22. Summertime
23. Fall time
24. The temple
25. Hot chocolate
26. Cookie dough
27. Being married in the temple
28. Painting
29. Decorating/Decorations
30. Learning new things
31. Singing
32. Chinese food
33. Sweatpants
34. Ice skating
35. Laying out in the sun
36. Being productive
37. Playing with Jex
38. Laughing with Wes
39. Watching movies with Wes
40. Working out with Wes
41. Road trips with Wes and Jex
42. Bubble smoothies
43. Pho
44. Reading
45. Watching new T.V. shows
46. Instagram
47. Having clean laundry
48. Coming home to a clean apartment after a long day
49. The comfort of Heavenly Father and Christ
50. Going to church
51. New tennis shoes
52. Cheerleading
53. Getting stronger
54. Chips and salsa
55. Fajitas
56. Cookie dough ice cream
57. GOOD friends
58. Having a warm apartment
59. Having a nice phone
60. Having a car that works properly
61. My nieces and nephews
62. Playing card games
63. Playing board games
64. The scriptures
65.Writing down how I feel
66. My testimony that Jesus is the Christ
67. The feeling that I am never completely alone, even when I feel super low, Christ knows exactly how I feel
68. Wesley's smile
69. Wesley's laugh
70. Going out to eat
71. BAKING
72. Eating what I bake
73. Cheesecake
74. Having a nice laptop
75. Technology
76. Swimming
77. Hiking
78. Warm coats
79. Leggings and big sweaters
80. Getting good grades on tests
81. Netflix
82. Pictures of Christ
83. Dancing
84. Looking at my wedding pictures
85. Polka dots
86. Christmas
87. Thanksgiving
88. Halloween costumes
89. Delicious smelling candles
90. UGG boots
91. Nail polish
92. Learning more about the Gospel
93. Feeling the Spirit
94. Feeling loved
95. Flowers
96. Walking
97. Smiling
98. Mint blue
99. Yoga
100. Relaxing

Open Eyes

     I've got some things on my mind I just need to write down...Yes, I know that's what a journal is for. But I decided to write these things on here instead just incase someone out there needs to know he/she is not alone.
     When did life get hard? I have always thought things that are out of our control happen because Heavenly Father wants them to happen that way. To make us stronger perhaps. To give experiences that can help others. My believing that doesn't take away from the aching of my heart completely...but it gives hope.
     I went from not knowing I was pregnant, learning I was pregnant, feeling so scared and worried, feeling extreme happiness and excitement (but still scared), to losing the baby all in a matter of 5 days. 5 days!!!! I never thought I could feel so many clear emotions in such a short amount of time. I will admit, the pregnancy was a complete surprise...but somehow that doesn't help make the emptiness any better. Emotional rollacoaster at its finest. Going through something like this is hard even if it was a surprise and early on. I started picking out names, planning things in my mind, and even made a secret board on Pinterest with some seriously cute pins.
     Now, my eyes are open. My life is in Heavenly Father's control. I know that this experience has made Wes and I stronger...even though it's still hard, I have faith in His plan for my family and me. I have become a little more spiritually in tune, I have thought more about my priorities in life, and ultimately I know now without a doubt that I want to be a mommy. Before it all seemed so far fetched that I could have enough love for a child to put up with the whole crying in the middle of the night thing, not being able to freely do things when I wanted, things like that. I want to nurture, protect, create, guide, love, cuddle, sing bedtime songs, and feel that connection. All i can think about is having that baby.
     I have hope. I have faith. Life is a beautiful thing full of ups and downs, smiles and tears. This is just one of those hard things that Wes and I needed to go through..the reasoning I'm not 100% sure of, but I know it gets better. In life, I have so many things to be grateful for, innumerable things. My husband, my family, the Gospel, being sealed to my husband forever, the school that I go to, my puppy, my health, my warm apartment...so many things!! Life is about learning, growing, and becoming the best you can be.

((Much Needed)) Wall Makeover

Geeze..I cannot believe I had such a boring setup for so long. I was workin' with what I had! Some family gave us a few new additions that I painted to match the color setup that I wanted! All I need was some cheap acrylic paint to completely change my living room wall to what I had been wanting. It only cost $4 to mix it up! Let me know what you think.

DRAB

FAB

Home State Love

The latest painting project!

TUTORIAL:

Print a picture of the state you would like. Outline the paper in marker so you will be able to see the lines through the canvas material. 

After that, tape the paper to the back of the canvas and begin tracing the outline of your state on the right side up of the canvas.

Now here comes the best part..the painting! Paint the inside slowly so you don't go outside the lines. I chose mustard yellow for the inside and cream for the outside! 

For the final touches you can add a heart or star on top of your home city and a border around the outside of the canvas! I also did a California one for Wes! This craft is a creative way to have a little touch of home inside your home. 

CHOICE

For about a year now I have been a contributor to the CHOICE program. This program donates to  villages in struggling countries. The decision for me to start and to continuously donate to this non-profit organization is an easy one for me. It's so important to help those who are less fortunate, who do not have as many opportunities, and who struggle on the daily to make ends meet. I work for DownEast, so that's how I heard of this organization...but you don't have to work there to contribute! It's so simple! I feel like it is definitely worth your money and time, even just $5 can go a long way for these villages. To learn more about Choice Humanitarian  CLICK HERE.
Thanks everyone :)