Starting Over

Oh goodness! Where to begin...
Well this year has been a long tough one to say the least. But in the midst of the dark clouds and hard days, I have started to discover me. Yesterday was one of those rough days, the dreaded day of sadness came and gone, the due date. More and more as the days went on over the last 8 months I was "supposed" to be over losing my baby and all that it changed within me, but that was simply easier said than done. As more time passed I realized everyone else continued on with life, of course forgetting of my loss and not knowing of my daily struggles to survive, I had, and at times still do have, no idea how to live a day where thoughts of having a family of my own don't overwhelm my tired mind. I still hurt, I still get jealous of other women who have what I so desperately want, I still put on a fake smile. Out of all these negative feelings that I try so hard to wash out of my mind every single day, one simple positive feeling outweighs all the bad. HOPE...hope in my Heavenly Father that He really does answer my pleading prayers. That feeling of hope leads to many more happy feelings. Trust, faith, love, gratitude. Throughout my whole life I have been so blessed! Everyday is a blessing. Each day I have the chance to learn new things, grow closer to Heavenly Father and the Savior, serve others, love my husband, play with my puppies, have an awesome job, and bake delicious treats. Life sends things our way that we need to overcome, becoming even stronger at the end of it. I have an amazing husband who has been there for me through thick and thin! He makes me stronger, he helps me believe in myself, and best of all he's a shoulder to lean on. I'm not even remotely sure what the future has in store for me, I have no idea what career path I want and I don't know where we're gonna end up, but I do know Wes will always have my heart. Family really is eternal, I am so happy that I know that to be true...and someday when Heavenly Father blesses me with His innocent little babies I will do all I can to teach them that.