Can I just start this post out by saying how fast time is going by! OH my goodness I seriously cannot believe it has already been three months since I gave birth to my first born, my sweet Colette Rynn. I'll be honest, the road to recovery has been rough...but these last few months have been the BEST. Her smile, her giggles, her baby talking, her sweet smell, her cuddles, her soft skin, ah everything about her makes me feel happy, proud, grateful, loved, sappy, tired....I could go on.
Ok, now I will get to the main point. On Monday June 29th Wesley and I went in for one of our prenatal appointment (at this point it was 3 days passed the due date) where the tech first did an ultrasound to make sure everything was ok (which they had been doing for the last 4 weeks of pregnancy since I was diagnosed with polyhydramnios meaning there was too much amniotic fluid). We sat in the ultrasound room for a quite a few minutes while the nurse tried to see any sign of Colette's lungs moving up and down. She eventually gave up and had us go in to speak with the dr. Long story short, Dr. Evans was concerned that we had not seen her practice breathes, which a lack of meant stress on the baby, so he had us to multiple ultrasounds and NST's. Ugh it was a long day of WORRY. Finally the dr told us to leave to get lunch and then come back. At this point we had been at the office for 4 hours. We ate at Togo's and then went back to the office for more ultrasounds and tests. The nurse was finally able to see the baby's practice breathing, thank goodness. Although this was relieving, I was still confused and immensely concerned about the baby. Because we all were concerned about the baby, we decided that it would be best to induce that next morning. Cue the NERVES! I was so nervous to be induced, it wasn't what I wanted...but deep down I knew it was what needed to be done ASAP to get Colette outta there!
With very little sleep, Tuesday morning came around. I knew that I would not be able to eat once they started to the drugs so I tried so hard to eat a good breakfast but I was so nervous, I barely ate anything. We got to the hospital at 6:30, on the dot! I wanted to start the drugs ASAP so I could meet my baby girl! I got dressed in the hospital gown, got registered, and the nurse put an iv in my hand. At around 8 am they started Cytotec to thin out my cervix to get me dilated to a 1 before they could give me Pitocin. What a LONG day that was. Lots of sleeping, movies, fantasying about food because I was starving, sneaking sips of coke, and unhooking those stinking monitors connected to my belly to use the bathroom 50 million times...ok that's an exaggeration but it was a lot.
That evening at around 7 pm I was dilated at a 1. YAY!!! They could finally start giving me Pitocin, and give me Pitocin is what they did! They gave me so much. Things started moving a bit quicker, so Dr. Evans came in a few hours later to break my water. While doing so, he discovered that the baby had meconium (bowl movement) which if inhaled, could do some serious damage. He explained that a respiratory team would be there at delivery to take baby away, that I wouldn't get to hold her until she was in the clear, that dad wouldn't be allowed to cut the umbilical cord, and that she may be rushed off to NICU. To say I was scared and worried and concerned would be an understatement. I couldn't even think about it. It made me sick to my stomach. I just had to get through and keep praying for her health.
Before that, I had been having contractions but they were bearable. I breathed through each contraction and it was fine. oh my goodness though, when he broke my water the contractions were crazy! So painful...it's been three months and they say you forget the pain...which is true. So I'm sure if I had written this the day after I would've gone in to much further detail on that pain. Anyway, I'll spare you the details on this, but there was so much fluid. I still remember the gushing sound when my water was broke...tmi, I know...but then again you are reading a burth story so you should expect some of that. Ew, ew, and ew. I felt so gross after that. I continued to leak lots and lots of fluid until I delivered. I just remember feeling so gross and wanting to take a shower so bad. The only thing I could think to do was to sit on the toilet to let it all come out.. LOL ew I know. the contractions came on even faster and even stronger when I stood up to go to the bathroom. It took me a while to get there and a while to get back to the bed. I tried to stay calm and breathe through the contractions...they were about a minute (sometimes less) apart. After talking to Wes, I broke out in tears and decided to get an epidural. BEST DECISION EVER. There's no way I could've made it through the next 14.5 hours without it.
Sleeping that night was a joke. I was so anxious to meet my baby! I was glued to that bed though so I was able to get some rest. OH and I was starving. Actually, saying I was starving was an understatement...i'm dramatic, I know. But you're allowed to be when you're in labor..right??? :) Around 2am Dr. Evans came in to check me and said he would be surprised if we didn't have a baby by 8 am! Try sleeping after that. The nurse brought me the breakfast menu and said that I could pick any and everything that I wanted to eat after the baby was born. That was music to my ears. Fantasizing about french toast, pancakes, bacon, omelets, orange juice got me through...no joke. Dang...now I'm hungry. Well breakfast didn't happen. Early that morning I was checked and was at a 10. By the time I felt the urge to push it was already 9 am. I forgot that I had to push the baby out! I know that didn't make sense, but in my drugged up mind I thought a would get to a 10 and the baby would just come out haha. Yeah, no.
I was so anxious to meet her!! Ah! tears rolled down my cheeks as I thought about holding her. I began to push. I pushed so hard, I never wanted anything more than I wanted to meet this sweet baby who tickled me with her kicks and made me giggle with her daily hiccups. I pushed and pushed and pushed. Took a few breaks and pushed. There were times I wanted to give up, but I knew I had to be strong if I wanted to have my baby in my arms. I had a mirror to watch....sounds weird but it really helped! I could see the progress I was making. I finally saw HAIR! I was so excited to see that hair on top of her head. That made me cry....and push harder. After almost 3 hours of this constant pushing, the doctor came in to discuss my options at that point. He said I could have a c-section, keep pushing for who knows how much longer, have a vacuum delivery which would be very tramatic on the baby but not on me, or have a forcep delivery which wouldn't be as traumatic for the baby but much more traumatic on me. Time seemed so fast...everyone was staring at me and I had to make a decision quickly and on the spot. I quickly decided to do the forcep delivery. After the doctor left to get prepared I started to question myself...had I made the right decision? I just wanted my baby to be ok and safe and healthy. My family reassured me on my decision and it was time to go.
The doctor was ready, the nurses, and respiratory team were all ready. It was time! I only had to push a few more times so I knew I could do it. I told myself over and over that I could do it. I still remember seeing the tops of the forceps...they were so long and shiny. IT freaked me out so I quickly shut my eyes and continued to push. Right then, the doctor yelled for me to stop pushing. He discovered that Colette was posterior (face up). That explained why she kept getting stuck at her forehead. He quickly twisted her the right way and had me push once more. Dr. Allred pulled her out...it all happened so fast! She was out! She was finally out! He laid her on my lap while he cut the cord. I got to hold her for those 30 seconds!! I had been told that I wouldn't be able to, so I was beside myself! I cried and cried! She was here! Did I mention my sweet baby was here!
They took her away and got the meconium all cleaned out. Everything was ok! I remember saying there on the bed crying so hard hoping my baby was ok. I said so many prayers. It was probably around 5 to 10 minutes until I got to hold her again but it felt like hours. Alarms were going off from both the baby and me...I lost a lot of blood and she wasn't breathing (When finding out that C had meconium and would need to be rushed off, I told Wes that I wanted him to go wherever she went and to not worry about me). I still remember the look his face. He was torn on who to go to, but I reassured him on our earlier discussion. The doctor and nurses did their jobs and everything was ok. Everything was more than ok, everything was amazing when it was my turn to hold my baby again.
I held her so tight. I touched her sweet cheeks, her hair, I kissed her, I cried, he tiny hand wrapped around my finger. I felt so happy. In an instant, I couldn't remember what my life was like without this much love in it. All these feelings came over me so quickly. I was holding my baby! Her big dark eyes were looking at me. This baby made me a mommy, and for that I am forever grateful. Colette Rynn was in my arms. She latched on to feed and it gave me such comfort! I love her so much! Everything was so worth it! I kept thinking that over and over. I never wanted to let her go. And I never will. 7 lbs 9 oz and 21 in. of pure joy.
